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magnusfide

On the Road Again and Again and Again...

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Posted: 07/31/21 09:50am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Atlanta Explained
by Steve Taylor

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta.

Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.

It generally takes about an Hour, to an Hour and a Half to get to Atlanta, from Atlanta.

There is no real Rapid-Transit or Mass-Transit system in Atlanta. There’s something called MARTA (Metro Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority) that doesn’t cover all of Metro Atlanta, and that’s neither “Rapid” nor “Mass”. It’s more of an “Afterthought-last-chance-of-getting-someplace-Transit”

Carpooling rarely happens.
Atlantans love their cars as much as their privacy. There are High Occupancy Vehicle lanes that had to be converted to toll lanes because there weren’t enough 2 or more passenger cars to make it worthwhile.
People have been ticketed for having blow up toys in the passenger seat and dolls in car seats just to try and fake carpooling.

All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House." Except for Cobb County, where all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken" (Including GPS directions).

Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Or any of the 30+ additional streets that have Peachtree in their names.

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke's all they drink here so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke.

EXCEPT Atlantans never say “Co-ca Co-la”, nor “At-lan-ta”.
You drink a “Cocola in Atlanna “

The gates at Atlanta 's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:00 a.m. to 10:30 a.m.
The 5 p.m. rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:30 pm.
All remaining hours are the lunch rush hour.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 a.m. Saturday.

Red Lights and Stop Signs in Atlanta aren't treated as LAW. They're more like suggestions.
If the Light has been red for a while, you probably should stop, but if it's only about to turn red, speed up - You Can Make It!
And a STOP sign is treated as a "Slow-down-just-enough-to-make-sure-there's-not-a-cop" Sign.

Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawntz duh LEE-awn."

And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."

The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, has a posted speed limit of 55-65 mph but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over and is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."

And 285 has wonderful directional signs that advise towns like “Augusta, Greenville, Chattanooga, Birmingham, Montgomery, and Macon” depending which part of the Circle of Hell you are trying to enter. BUT, 285 does NOT take you to any of those cities. It merely points you in a general direction that might lead you there eventually on other highways.
Hell, 285 won’t even take you to Atlanta. Just ask Pascual Perez.

Don't believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop ." If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy, and your AR-15 has a full magazine.

Possums and armadillos are flat animals that sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia .
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia.
If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.

If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu.

It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store) - also can be pronounced "Fixinta".

Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2 years old.


"The only time you should fear cast iron is if your wife is fixin' to hit you with it."-Kent Rollins
First law of science: don't spit into the wind.
Bacon is the duct tape of the kitchen.
Magnus



johnhicks

Wandering below the Gnat Line

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Posted: 07/31/21 09:58am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

A headline article in yesterday's AJC says to expect a DECADE of construction.


-jbh-

monkey44

Cape Cod, MA and Central Fla

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Posted: 07/31/21 10:02am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Made me laugh - YES, been to and thru Atlanta ... now, we find another way. Another way is never longer nor more time-consuming than driving thru Atlanta.

Our grand daughter lives in Atlanta - we never visit her.


Monkey44
Cape Cod Ma & Central Fla
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2008 Lance 845
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bgum

South Louisiana

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Posted: 07/31/21 10:19am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Avoid at all costs.

valhalla360

No paticular place.

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Posted: 07/31/21 11:34am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Probably 30yr ago, my brother moved there. Before he got his license changed, there was 1/2inch of snow. He got in his car and headed to work.

Halfway there, he got pulled over. After asking for license and insurance...Officer asked him why he was on the road and...oh looking at his Michigan license, he stopped and said never mind.


Tammy & Mike
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JIMNLIN

Oklahoma

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Posted: 07/31/21 02:08pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

LOL..good post....thanks for the laugh.
Going to the Orange Bowl from Oklahoma some years back. Got to Atlanta at 2:30 am and still a huge rush hour traffic jam every where. Now we drop down to I-10 from OK.

Went through Atlanta airport once. Landed and deplaned on concourse A and departed on must'a been Y or Z 23 miles away seems like looking at their airport map. Nice guy in a buggy stops and asks where you headed...I told him where and had 33 min to get to the gate..he says get in I'll get you there. Lordy...just like a Mexico tour bus ride. He had us there with lots of time left.


"good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment" ............ Will Rogers

'03 2500 QC Dodge/Cummins HO 3.73 6 speed manual Jacobs Westach
'97 Park Avanue 28' 5er 11200 two slides

jetboater454

Camping or home

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Posted: 08/01/21 04:28am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Easy to avoid Atlanta traffic if coming from Florida and going north. I drive a truck and go I-10 west to I-65 north,even though Birmingham is a mini Atlanta now, to I-70 east.Then I-75 south to S.C.

Still doesn't work during rush hour too well though.


2011 Toyota Tundra DC Long Bed
2001 Harley Dyna Lowrider

wa8yxm

Davison Michigan (East of Flint)

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Posted: 08/01/21 07:45am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Once I got done laughing (Thank you by the way)
I've been to Atlanta... Spot on


Home was where I park it. but alas the.
2005 Damon Intruder 377 Alas declared a total loss
after a semi "nicked" it. Still have the radios
Kenwood TS-2000, ICOM ID-5100, ID-51A+2, ID-880 REF030C most times


mr_andyj

Georgia

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Posted: 08/03/21 04:32pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Atlanta does not get snow, they get freezing rain, then ice, and if lucky maybe some flurries on top of that. If you can't even stand on the road due to ice then it is safe to drive your bald tires on it.
Otherwise it rains everyday, Atlantans are used to rain, but may think they need to turn on their hazard lights for rain, which makes it even more dangerous for blinded drivers at night who now can't see anything except flashing lights.
If the sign says, "Lane ends merge", then you drive to the very last possible sliver of open road and even hit a few cones just so you pass more people who have already merged.
Red lights are finish lines, you race from the green light to the red light, slamming on brakes just in time to not slam the car in front of you.
Interstate exit ramps can be accessed from the far left lane even after you physically pass the exit. There can be up to 12 lanes in each direction on the interstate.
If it is not yours, then steal it, and this especially goes for taking and overtaking traffic at stops so you move one position further up. The rule is that it only belongs to you for as long as you can defend it and keep it.
There are many free parking places in Atlanta-proper, but there are bums who will only charge you $20 to watch your car, or act like they are parking attendants. No payments necessary, they will not vandiize your car if you do not pay.

Cloud Dancer

San Antonio and Livingston TX USA

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Posted: 08/05/21 10:21am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I've been in/out of Atlanta airport many times. One time I ventured out of the airport, and ended up in underground Atlanta,....never saw so many interesting shoes in my life.
I've driven through Atlanta 3 times, in my Dutch Star pulling my GMC Envoy, on my way to Augusta and Savannah,....not too bad.


Willie & Betty Sue
Miko & Sparky
2003 41 ft Dutch Star Diesel Pusher/Spartan
Floorplan 4010
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